We are now exactly half way through November. Halloween and Bonfire Night have come and gone, the days are noticeably shorter and Christmas music is being piped across the airways in many shops.
I was reliably informed on the radio this morning that it is in fact 5 weeks and 5 days until Christmas day. (By the time you read this it will be even less!). Even if we want to, it is difficult to ignore that Christmas in all its glittery glory is hurtling towards us.
As I write this I can feel a slight anxiety bubbling up inside me. In my mind I am mentally listing all those things I need to do both for work and for Christmas in those short 5 weeks and 5 days. The overwhelm which can so easily be felt by even the calmest of us often takes hold at this time of year, sending us into a festive frenzy of panicked activity.
For many of us last year, Christmas was very different. We weren’t able to be with our loved ones, we were perhaps at home on our own and things were much quieter than usual. For some of us this will have been a sad and lonely. For others, the quieter Christmas may have come as a welcome relief after living with a year of fear and uncertainty.
Pandemic Pressure
This year we have had the best part of another year of pandemic uncertainty, and yet the ‘noise’ surrounding Christmas seems somewhat louder than usual. I have heard many broadcasters talking about the excitement of making this Christmas really special, and the huge celebration it will be after the ‘disappointment’ of last year.
With this noise comes a pressure. A pressure to create the best Christmas ever; a pressure to be with all those people you couldn’t be with last year, and a pressure to really make your celebration count this year. I have heard talk of people having 3 Christmas days so that they can see and celebrate with everyone. This may thrill, you but it may also fill you with fear and dread.
I suspect many of us have learned to live a little more quietly and discovered that perhaps we quite like it. The pressure to revert back to ‘life pre pandemic’ can contribute to feelings of overwhelm.
Lockdown Uncertainty
If we are honest we all live with a certain amount of uncertainty all of the time. It is part of life. In most part we can manage these uncertainties. Since March 2020 however, we have lived with an uncertainty we have had minimal control over. An uncertainty about what was happening in the world, in our country and in our own family. Uncertainty about our jobs, our schools, our holidays. All aspects of our lives have been affected. We have lived through lockdowns, tier systems and vaccines. We continue to live with masks, vaccine passports, lateral flow tests and PCR’s and a daily report of Coronavirus numbers and the fear of winter surges and further lockdowns.
As we hear reports of swelling numbers in Europe, at the back of many people’s minds is the fear that further lockdowns will ensue here. All this contributes to the uncertainty and overwhelm we may feel about celebrating Christmas this year.
Food and Toy Shortages
A huge part of the Christmas celebrations is the food we eat and the gifts we both give and receive. Christmas dinner is roast turkey, perfectly rolled pigs in blankets, 3 different stuffing’s, 15 different vegetables, bread sauce, cranberry sauce, gravy made from the juices of the turkey, Christmas pudding, brandy butter, Christmas Crackers and so it continues. Parents work hard and plan ahead to see their children’s faces light up with joy when they find their stockings stuffed with gifts. This is all part and parcel of Christmas. Isn’t it?
News bulletins in recent weeks have reported on lorry driver shortages, problems with supply chains and difficulties in getting turkeys and toys into stores. So how does this make us feel? Probably not calm and perhaps it contributes to the feelings of overwhelm we might be experiencing about Christmas?
Social Anxiety
2020-2021 may go down in history as the years we all forgot how to socialise. After being thrown into our homes with only those we lived with for company we then found ourselves in a world of zoom ‘social gatherings’. These were in equal measure both excruciating and exciting. By lockdown 3:0 they had dwindled, with many choosing to avoid them. Time alone became much more the norm. As restrictions lifted, going out into the real world again was at times daunting and for some still is. Being surrounded by lots of people in a social situation felt scary. Having conversations with more than one person for more than half an hour felt exhausting and sent many scurrying back to the safety of their own homes as soon as possible.
This initial anxiety may have eased a little, but with Christmas the potential for meeting others in social gatherings where the emphasis is on fun and jollity may be overwhelming. The first temptation may be feign illness or a prior engagement. If we do make it out there may be a temptation to scuttle home and hide behind the Christmas tree at the earliest opportunity.
So what can we do to avoid try and avoid these feelings of overwhelm over the next few weeks?
Write It Down
Start with your journal and ask yourself a couple of quite fundamental questions.
‘What does Christmas really mean to me?’
‘What Do I Want This Christmas to Look Like?’
Think about how you have felt at Christmas over the last couple of years and which of those feelings you would like to have again. There is a power in writing down how you feel and using it as a way of figuring out solutions which work for you. You might be surprised by your answers.
After taking the time to answer these questions you will feel better able to think about what you can do now to manage the overwhelm and ensure the weeks leading up to Christmas are calm rather than crazy. This will help empower you to take control and make the choices to help you embrace this time of year.
Be Prepared to say NO.
Saying no is sometimes about self-preservation. After working out how you want your Christmas to look and feel, you may realise there are things you don’t want to do. This may involve saying no. Saying no doesn’t come easily to most of us, especially those of us who are naturally ‘people pleasing’. Sometimes though, it i actually ok, to say no even at Christmas!
Christmas brings with it all kinds of emotions and not all of them happy ones. If we know certain situations or events will make us feel especially emotionally vulnerable for example, then those are the invitations to say no to. Saying no can be done in a kind and considered way
Make a List
After you feel clearer in your mind about how you would like the next few weeks to work for you, make a cup of tea, sit down with a notebook and pen and spend some lovely time brainstorming. Empty your mind of everything you think you need, or want to do in this lead up to Christmas.
Be as detailed as you like. When I do this I have separate sections on things like, gifts to buy, things I want to make, events I want to go to, meals I want to cook, people I want to see etc
Look realistically at the time you have and allocate slots of time to each of these tasks. This will go some way to helping you control your overwhelm, giving you some control and hopefully introduce some pockets of calm into your Christmas preparations.
Plan Time For You
We all have certain things which we know make us feel emotionally stronger. Unfortunately when we feel busy and overwhelmed these are the things which get pushed aside, to make more time for the busyness.
If you really want to take control of the overwhelm, then be very clear about the things you need to do for you. Get that regular dose of fresh air and exercise, set aside a daily 20 or 30 minutes, more if you can manage it, to read that Christmas book, or dip into that poetry collection or do a little bit more of the craft you find so relaxing. Book tickets for that carol concert. Whatever it is that helps you feel calmer and less overwhelmed, prioritise it.
Christmas can be a ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ but it can also be difficult and emotional and overwhelming. However with a little bit of thought and time for reflection and planning it can also be a time filled with precious moments of calm.
You may also like to read my previous posts
Festive Rituals For a Calm Christmas
