Coping with Sadness at Christmas

Every TV advert, and song played on the radio would have us believe that Christmas is a time or pure joy and happiness.  A time when normal families with children and grandparents and glossy coated labrador come together in harmony and unbridled celebration  This is of course the image we are supposed to buy into.  And even if most of us are wise enough to  know that often Christmas isn’t like that at all for lots of people, it can still have the effect of making us feel inadequate or lonely or sad.

I have a mixed relationship with Christmas these days.  I love lots of things about it.  Fairy lights, decorations, how beautiful London is at this time of year, spending time with my husband and family, carol services and giving, (and of course) receiving gifts.  However, if I’m honest there are parts of it which make me feel sad and even a little melancholy.

I know that I’m not alone in feeling like this.  There are many things about Christmas which can make  us feel sad.  Christmas has a habit of compounding those things and feelings.

People feel sad at Christmas time for many reasons.  Loss, bereavement, loneliness, unrealised hopes and dreams, broken relationships, lack of money, lost job. The list goes on

So what do we do to manage sadness at Christmas?  I’m no expert, but these are a few things I’ve learnt over the years which have helped me.

Accept your sadness for what it is.

By that, I mean acknowledge why you feel sad. Don’t make excuses for it, or try to explain it away.  The reason you feel sad is valid and important.  If you need to spend time dwelling on it or revisiting it then do so.

Recognise your Triggers.

I know there a few things associated with Christmas which will absolutely make me sad and bring up feelings of loss and unrealised hopes.  Over the years I have become much better at knowing what these are and how to avoid them. This is an important part of self preservation, and I definitely recommend it.

Be Prepared to Say No.

This follows on from recognising your triggers and isn’t easy, especially if it involves saying no to friends and family, oe turning down invitations.  Don’t shy away from giving an explanation if that helps you, but don’t feel pressured to do so. Of course we don’t want to hurt others by saying no, but those that love you will accept your reasons.  I suspect none of us would want to inflict something on someone we love if we know it would make them sad.

Censor your Social Media Usage

I am a huge fan of instagram, and use it daily.  I love creating and posting images and having dialogue with people I don’t know other than via social media and a mutual interest or appreciation.  I’m much less of a fan of FB, and avoided it for a long time because it made me feel inadequate or cross or both!  I’m over that now.  However I’m very aware that both can give a distorted image of how perfect and happy everyone else is and what a wonderful time they are having.  If social media is making you feel inadequate or unhappy, then maybe its time to take a break.  Recent posts by Elizabeth Dhokia on why she has quit social media make interesting reading.

Self Care.

This comes in many forms.  For me it definitely involves getting time alone, and time with just my husband.  I love being with people, but I know that I need time alone too.  This may not be easy if you are surrounded by lots of people for the whole of Christmas.  But slipping out early for a walk or run when others are still slumbering is I find a good way of doing this.

Seek Daylight.

Christmas in the Northern hemisphere comes at a time of year when days are at the shortest.  It may only be light in the UK for a maximum of 8 hours in December.  Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a recognised condition, brought on by lack of full spectrum light.  I know I am more productive, energised and vibrant when the days are lighter and longer.  Trying to get outside into natural light, even if its only for 15 minutes is helpful.  I know this may not always be possible. especially when many of us are going to work and coming home in the dark right now.  This is why getting outside during days off and over Christmas when perhaps there is more time is so important.

I hope that some of the above has been helpful to you.  Do let me know of any other suggestions or tips you have.

What ever you are doing this Christmas, and however you are feeling, I hope you are able to find times of happiness too.